dumpster fire

A Drive by Around the NFC South


Alright, kiddos, I’m a glutton for punishment and if you’re reading this so are you.  It should be noted that after I write this I will put my typing hand in a heavy-duty harbor freight bench vice (that I got on sale) and break every bone in my hand just to make sure I don’t write this garbage again plus I will then use a 32 ounce ball pen hammer to finish off the job for good measure.

Okay, now that we know what the parameters that I set for myself are, you might ask yourself why, egghead, why would you want to delve into this comical abyss that is spiraling so out of control and is so embarrassing that the whole city of Cleveland is pointing and laughing? Because when things are so bad that it’s worst than a raging dumpster fire the only logical thing to do in the most illogical season is to dive head first into it (see the logic there? no? so what!)

It’s been about a month since I did my last Drive-by so I figured I got a little time on my hand so why not un-peel the layers of ineptitude and all the gross stuff underlying of a shameful division. Sadly and with a heavy heart when I look up and down this stink box which is the NFC South, I see one team that is kind of keeping it together and heading in the right direction and isn’t as dysfunctional as the other three teams in the division, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Ha! had you going there for a second didn’t I? The Bucs are just as screwed up as the rest of this clown convention.  It’s just nobody talks about them because after all they are the Bucs. Forget for a second that the are an absolutely horrible football team but instead focus on that fact that they serve the public water instead of real booze.  

This is an outrage! When your product on the field is about as exciting as being cornered at a Christmas party with a close talker that has a severe case of halitosis you should be serving buy-one-get -one-free-triple-shot drinks for goodness sakes not making the unsuspecting loser who shelled out 300 bucks for a ticket watch as your team find new levels to suck to so do while completely straight. The Bucs headquarters will be getting a nasty letter from the egg for such shenanigans…..moving on….

I swear I’m starting to hate the Carolina Panthers as much as I hate the Falcons (well almost).   First, it was their head coach and players crying like a itty baby over the Saints running up the score last year and then Cam Newton completely disrespecting the Who Dat Nation with his fake super man crap when his team is in the mist of a six game losing streak (which was ended five minutes into the game) but … I have to admit the most disappointing aspect of the 41-10 debacle wasn’t the Saints getting their butts handed to them on a silver platter in front of an increasingly pissed off home crowd, it was Cameron Jordan getting his lunch money stolen from him in the infamous “Cam” brawl….need a reminder, well the egg cooked up this little gem just for you.

Saints brawl

Good thing Curtis Lofton had his back because Carolina back up tight end Brandon Williams was about to finish off the curb stomp. Ugh, the NFC South at it’s finest. Good gawd help me, why must I put myself through this garbage? Shake my egghead, which brings us to…..

Your New Orleans Saints where do I start? Should it be with the legits throwing poop bombs over the fence on airline drive? nah, Sean Payton already squashed the click baiting internet “sources” with just a couple of lines. I’m gonna tell you folks, believe only a fraction of what you read on the net especially with professional football, I can’t tell you how many times writers rush to judgement to gain a click, there are so many smoke screens going on you really don’t know what to believe.

Now with that being said there is something seriously wrong over at 5800 Airline drive because with only three games left the Saints are clearly in desperation mode. While I like the idea of shaking the secondary up with shifting Kenny Vaccaro into nickle coverages and getting Corey White some work at safety all the while bringing up Terrance Frederick up from the practice squad, it reeks of desperation of a team grasping at straws going down the stretch battling for a division title.

But, hey, you can’t sit on your hands after being destroyed at home against a division rival so I’m on board with the craziness that happened this week. Which all brings us to Monday night’s game in Chicago.  LMBO at ESPN for having to broadcast this cesspool of irrelevant trash, you deserve it. I’m going to be honest guys, I have no clue how this game is going to shake out. On one side of the ball you have a team that calls out their franchise QB as wasted money and on the other side you have a team that doesn’t care. I do think the Saints will come ready to play but will it be good enough? if they win the turn over battle it will be but that’s a huge if. With that being said it is a must win if the next game is going to mean anything which brings us to….

The mirage that is the Atlanta Falcons–their fans’ delusion makes this Saints week much more palatable. Heck, you think the Saints defense is bad? These idiots give a new meaning to the word clown.  I’m telling you they are trash. Don’t believe me? Well, since the Falcons were four yards from the Super bowl in 2012 they are 9 and 21.  Since (yes, you read that right) their implosion is one of the unsung nuggets. They are Jacksonville Jaguars bad since that fateful day in the circus tent, and I can’t tell you how many times I laughed so hard at their meteoric fall from grace.  Heck, I still chuckle a little under my breath even in these hard time with our Saints.

But hey the Falcons got another moral victory today so there’s always that.

All of which Brings us back full circle to the dumpster fire that is the NFC South. Forget what happens this week, it’s really is going to be the week 17 match up against the Falcons that determines this skid row of NFL wannabe’s. As pathetic as this seems, I’m pulling for the Saints to crash the party, screw the draft pick. Plus the look on Mike Smith‘s dead man walking face will be worth the price of being forced to watch such putrid trash. As crazy as it might seem but the Saints and the Falcons both control their own destiny at this point but I seriously doubt that both teams can win out. Even though the showdown with the Falcons looms large it still might come down to the last week of the season if Carolina wins the next week. And in an upside down crazy season I wouldn’t want it any other way.