Let me just get this out of the way……Drop a 100LB Acme™ anvil from the cliffs of the grand canyon landing directly on the egg’s egghead and then take a Tailor-made® Burner driver out of the bag and swing for a 300 yard drive right into the general direction of his cr****. That’s what I deserve for making such mongofied picks last week, say what? You picked Atlanta to get blown out didn’t you? Yes I did but that small victory pales in comparison to me totally missing on Geno Smith being a super genius and him by himself destroying the Saints last Sunday. Wait what? That never happened and the Saints offensive and defensive lines sucking caused the loss? Well then nevermind forget that I just said that, moving on….
Time to redeem myself this week my friends and have no fear I will rebound from last week’s disaster or my name isn’t the egg, wait…it’s not? Dang. Anyways the complete derailment of the Falcons clown train came full circle this week when the evil Author Blank’s company showed its true colors and they aren’t red and black. I’m going to lay off the Falclowns this week because they are going to lose 287 to 0 so I will turn my attention to the other pathetic c***** jerks in the division, make no mistake I will not miss this time and with that I bring you the eggs® Sledgehammer Kneecap-Cracking NFL locks of the week.
The Bucs +2 ½ over the Dolphins in Tampa Bay Lord have mercy on this game, wow where do I begin with this little gem. First off let’s start with my favorite punching bag the Jaguars, who would have thought that halfway through the season, even though they are winless, they are the role model franchise in Florida. Let that sink in for a second, not only that they are laughing at their dysfunctional neighbors through their brown paper bags that are permanently placed on their heads, this within itself deserves bottoms up shot of bourbon with a side of golf claps.
Tampa Bay and their entire asinine glory pale in comparison to the complete cesspool of lies and deception that is Miami. But make no mistake the Bucs are still a pile of steaming Tyrannosaurus Rex poo and I am in utter amazement that Greg “lost locker room” Schiano still has a job. Ok time to get serious here, you know I kid and jest a lot just like my earlier statement and some of the text that I have read coming from Miami is beyond despicable but with that being said we have all felt it on the other end of the stick when the media and PR relation guys mixed in with high-priced lawyers not to mention a labor union get their agendas kicking into high gear, it is very hard to peel away to get to the absolute truth. I remember when prominent members of the media was asking for a lifetime ban for Sean Payton and Jonathan Vilma without knowing a sliver of facts much less the absolute truth and you know what? We will probably never know exactly what went down in Miami. The reason I look at it this way is because the whole country is against the Dolphins, sound familiar? Of course it does and I refuse to not learn from the past, moving on…..
The 49rs -6 over the Panthers in San Francisco No matter what happens in this battle of pretenders the Saints win but as a rule of thumb you always want to win the division first so it pains me to no end to pick the 49rs and their roving gang of goons. I think this game is going to be a blow out and the Icon Scam Newton and his Carolina frauds are going to be exposed for what they truly are; lukewarm spoiled regurgitated cat puke sprinkled over a supersized hair ball. Yep Carolina will limp back from the west coast with their alley cat tail between their legs humiliated, beaten and bruised and with two upcoming games against the Saints will fade in to obscurity just as they were two months ago.
Your New Orleans Saints -6 ½ over the Dallas Cowboys Here we go folks, strap em’ up we are entering the “stretch” this is where the 2013 season is defined in relation to NFC playoff seedings and it all starts Sunday night with Dallas in the Thunder Dome™ I have a good feeling that the Cowboys are going to run into a buzz saw and this one’s going to get ugly quick. If there was any doubt what Darren Sproles means to Drew Brees it was erased last Sunday in New York, with a good pass rush Sproles is Drew’s safety net. Let’s be honest, the Cowboys secondary sucks so the only way they can survive is a good pass rush and this is where Sproles comes in. The little man can take an emergency dump off and get you eight yards so instead of 2nd and 14 (with a sack) it’s 2nd and 2…huge difference, these are the situations that change games, last week the Jets put them into bad yardage situations and the Saints had no answer.
That changes Sunday night because the Saints will control the tempo and be in favorable down and distance situations where they will be able to take their shots downfield and it will be early and often. On the other side of the ball Tony Romo is going to take his shots also but I have a feeling that the Dome is going to be so pumped and loud that he and/or his offense will make crucial mistakes that cost them dearly. I’m going to be honest, Dallas has a good offense and will get their points but it’s that ancient Tampa 2 defense that old as dirt Monte Kiffin runs that will be their undoing. The Saints win this one going away 38 – 24 and I think the defense makes enough big plays to keep the Cowboys from seriously contending, this one is going to be New Orleans style good time and I can’t wait.
Well my gang of gambling fiends if these picks don’t pan out unlike last week I will just act like it never happened and keep on pretending like I have and act like I actually know what I’m doing. So make yourself enough baloney sandwiches to last you a week and lay you lunch money on the line, so with that being said….as always WHO DAT!!!