Good Gawd please make the egg quit writing this useless garbage

Good Gawd please make the egg quit writing this useless garbage

Trick or treat goblins and goons I’m back with another regrettable episode of my amazingly off the mark NFL picks. Don’t worry kiddo’s I’m on a sugar high from eating all the candy from Halloween and I am completely locked in, thank you Nola thunderstorms for chasing off all the little freaks and leaving massive amounts of goodies for the egg® Speaking of Halloween, how do you have a VooDoo Fest in New Orleans with a band named Anamanaguchi playing? Jeez get it together morons, Slayer should be cranking their evil guitars above ten, scaring the crap out of everybody and making all who live in the neighborhood curse the city regulators….quit agreeing Pearl Jam fans you suck too.

Sorry about that, I don’t know what came over me. Okay back to feetball, how are you ladies and gentlemen feeling about dem Saints? Well I know how I feel, damn good and extremely confident. I for one cannot understand why people are afraid of Seattle, the 49rs and hold on…hold on…just a second….wait for it….the Panthers! Bwahahahaha give me a break, are you kidding me? What do people not understand? The Saints own the South division and when was the last time Seattle and San Francisco held up a Lombardi trophy? Quit being scared my Who Dat friends and realize just how good the Saints are, if you want to be scared, I will give you something to scared about and with that I present to you the eggs® Sledgehammer Kneecap-Cracking NFL locks of the week.

The Panthers -7 ½ over the Falcons at home somewhere in North Carolina or South Carolina…who cares I can hear the witches in black masses putting a curse on the egg® for picking the “ahem” nearest ‘threat” to take out the Falcons. I know you want the Panthers to fail so the Saints can extend their cushion in the NFC South but let’s be honest, do we not watch the NFL to be entertained? Of course we do. How much did you laugh when Geno Smith beat the Falcons at home on National TV? Tell you what my rib cage is just starting to heal from the uncontrollable laughter, how can a team that almost everyone (I’m looking at you Pete Prisco) picked to represent the NFC in the Super bowl be so horrible? It’s an easy answer, Mike freaking’ Smith.

Yes folks I want to be entertained and with that a good hearty laugh is in order, heck why not, Atlanta has been filling my humor bucket with more s**t and giggles than when I watched on national TV Bob Costas pretty much put Roger Goodell’s butt squarely on his lips and say “thank you sir, may I have another” Bob you are a lap dog plain and simple “I want to stand up and cheer Roger Goodell” screw you Bob….oops there I go again, sorry about that, now where were we? Oh yeah, the comedy. Okay let’s peel away the media fabricated onion layers of this so-called team known as the Falcons.

2008, nice try clowns, none of the legits gave the Cardinals a chance in this one did they? On a scale of one through ten, this gets a solid seven in the laugh meter…sometimes when there is absolutely no football activity going on (I hate you June) This one creeps up and yes I laugh out loud in public places.

2009, well I think all we know what happened here, when you are the number one seed in the NFC you win the Super Bowl, It is what is expected of you and you don’t take prisoners. By the way the Falcons were 7-9 that year, and to be honest who cares? Me that’s who, the scale says a solid five because after this one season the Falcons were scrambling in the offseason on how to stop the Saints…..

2010 The year of the Saints hangover, yep that is an excuse but so what because truth is told we were all living it, tell me you didn’t think the Saint would repeat? Then as reality sets in the paper tiger Falcons post a 13-3 record and seals up a number one seed. We all know about the Saints getting beast moded in Seattle and poof…the season was over. But wait, as bad as I was feeling after that debacle I got to watch in primetime the most hilarious thing happen, Aaron Rodgers bend Matt Ryan over on the fifty yard line while a whole crowd of bandwagon Falcon fans dropped their jaws and mumbled to each other “I’m going to act like this is not happening” On my scale of one to epic meltdowns….a solid ten, it was a magnificent failure of epic proportions….this one is my favorite miniature bike riding clown convention size 32 shoe screw ups, it is a 10 on the derelict meter.

2011 Lord have mercy, this year hurts to the core, and I truly believe that this team was playing the best football in all of the NFL come playoff time. A lot of people blame Greg Williams for the loss in SF, I don’t, I blame an offense that turned the ball over five times….depressing but you know what? The Falcons come to the rescue. This one is classic, the birds offense scores ZERO points in the playoff loss to the Giants….hold on as I regain some sort of composure as I type this again….ZERO. Well well well what have we here? What we have here is what the legits failed to see (I seen it) a team and staff full of frauds, a little harsh you say? AM I THE ONLY ONE SEEING A PATTERN? Anyways as bad as I was feeling this game made me shoot beer through my nostrils from the uncontrollable spasms from a….well a complete embarrassing showing from the Falcons who have mastered the art of looking at the ground as the other team celebrates….this one is un-measureable in its ineptness and it broke my scale.

2012 What can I say? The Saints had an off year….so time for the Falcons to step in and dominate the NFC right? Child please get the hell out of here. These imbeciles wouldn’t know what to do with title if it is handed to them by Mike Freeman and Jeff Duncan combined. Lord have mercy on these bumbling idiots as they posted another paper tiger 13-3 record, again all the legits kissed Home Depots butt and crowned them the master of their own domain. I‘ll never forget as the opening kick-off landed I knew this would again tickle my funny bone, looking around at the seasonal band wagon Falcon fans in the stands with their short bus hopes riding on Matt Ryan and Mike Smith’s execution was a thing of beauty as they “rose up” when they had a 17 point league and one half of football until they would play in the Super Dome for the NFL Championship. Dumasses when will you learn? How hard do you need that thick unassuming skull to be pounded before you realize that, you…. Falcons will never get a ring…ever. This one get’s an 11 just because they were so close and it was the beginning of the implosion.

Lord have mercy on my soul, did I just type that garbage? Anyways as you can see I will never, ever pull for the Falcons and I hope Carolina stomps the crap out of them….Carolina 58 – Atlanta 0

Your New Orleans Saints -6 ½ over the New York Jets in New York Jersey This is going to be a good game, it’s going to be a lot closer than people think. I think it’s going to be a defensive bare knuckles brawl with the Saints standing at the end. New York’s defensive front is no joke with the likes of Muhammad Wilkerson, Sheldon Richardson and Quinton Coples leading the way but their secondary is suspect. Whenever you see DB Dee Milliner in the game expect Drew Brees to go after him, his play has been so inconsistent this year that last week the Jets benched him for being constantly out of position.

I don’t think the Saints will do much on the ground in this game so when you see the 4 or 5 yard dump passes that will pretty much be the run game. Offensively the Jets are going to try to pound the ball with Ivory and Powell; the Saints must contain them and put the Jets in a lot of 3rd and long situations. Geno Smith will throw interceptions if you force him to do too much and I do see a couple of pick off’s happening Sunday. Again this game will rest on Drew’s arm and it’s going to be cold and windy up there, look for a lot of Darren Sproles in this game mixed in with some Pierre Thomas screens to catch an over aggressive defense off guard. The Jets are going to be fired up after the drubbing they took in Cincinnati but the Saints are the better team so if they keep the mistakes down I see the final score as Saints 24 Jets 17.

Well my friends that’s my Halloween Frankenstein bash em’ up picks of the week, I am so confidant in my picks this week that if they don’t hold true I will feed all my candy to my neighbors dog (no I won’t) so until we meet again have a great game day and as always….WHO DAT!!!!